The Natural State of Idiocy

And there once again came a time when attempts to bend over backwards for new ways to say “gays are icky” and mask it as intellectual debate turned into this, from an interview with Cardinal Francis George:

We didn’t invent marriage. The church didn’t invent marriage. The state didn’t invent marriage. Nature gives us marriage. The Chinese are not Americans, and they’re not Catholic. They know what marriage is. Where did that come from?

This goes in so many directions, I think this one’s got to be another rapid-fire response. Form of: ravenous rant!

I know it’s a tad confusing, since we call ourselves “The United States of America ,” but we aren’t the only state in the sense you’re using it. The fact that the Chinese are not Americans, besides being a ridiculous amount of duh, does not mean that they didn’t have a state to establish their marital rites and institutions. Actually, the fact that you’re calling them Chinese, and thus labeling them with a collective national identity, pretty much means they have a state. If you’re going to prove that marriage isn’t a state construct, you’ll need to do better than just picking a different state.

If your go-to for proof that marriage is universally defined by a monogamous, heterosexual paradigm is to say “everyone else thinks so, too!” you’re more than a little off, there. Even if you want to argue the historical accuracy of reports of societies which allowed for same-sex unions, multiple societies have historically and unambiguously supported polygamy. If it’s some kind of universal constant that everyone recognizes, I’m missing how those societies aren’t part of the statistical set?

And just so we’re clear, let’s be honest about the fact that historically, even in Judeo-Christian nations, marriage was far more often a matter of property exchange in the beginning. Dowries weren’t just super-generous gifts. They were payment, whether the man was buying the woman or the family was paying him to take her. They also served to bolster relationships between nations, but that would suggest the state-that’s-not-America is involved, and that’s a false logic, right?

But enough about that. Let’s buy everything else you’re selling here and go right to the heart: Marriage comes from nature? From nature? You mean, the nature where male seahorses gestate children? Where hermaphroditic earthworms 69 each other? Or did you mean like bees, where the queen essentially reproduces via orgy? Well, let’s at least look at mammals, I suppose. You know, where monogamy is actually one of the rarer mating behaviors, and same-sex behaviors have been observed?

I know! Primates. Primates are the part of nature which is closest to people (though we should stop short of using any word that sounds like evolution, just to be safe). Primates must clearly be the example of marriage that nature has given…What was that? A gorilla male can have how many females spawn his offspring? A female chimp mates with how many males when she’s fertile? Oh! Oh, my.

Well, I suppose you can at least be happy you didn’t have to pay for that chimpanzee slut’s birth control, huh?

(via Joe.My.God.)

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