Cold Read Relationship Advice

Another day, another bit of filler pretending to be content. While that’s probably true of me, it’s especially true of Yahoo! I ran across this one t’other day:

How to tell if your honey’s being dishonest.

Is your girlfriend playing with her hair? Forget split ends: she might be lying! Did your boyfriend just compliment you? OMG: lying! is totally something you should suspect, and not the hours you spent trying to look amazing. Oh, and any change in the speed of your significant’s other’s response may be “a hint that something is up.” Forget about dragging after a bad day or excitement for what you’e about to do: lying! is the answer.

I. Hate. This. Nonsense.

Seriously, these sorts of articles seem to be far less about offering people advice for having reasonable, adult, responsible relationships, and far more about notching up the paranoia to increase sales in relationship-fixing literature.

“Is someone playing with her hair? No? Wringing hands? No? Hmmm. Sweating? Really? Okay: Now someone must have answered questions more slowly or quickly than you remember, yes? Ah! I knew it. The spirits talked to me … er, I mean, the studies. Yes. The studies.”

Argh. This kind of article, which just sort of throws everything at the wall, feels way too much like “Did someone in the audience lose a relative who’s name starts with D or P?” It’s basically the relationship version of a psychic cold reading. And it has about the same level of credibility.

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